I haven’t posted anything in over a month. That’s not to say I haven’t written anything. It’s just that I’ve basically been in a very rough place in terms of running, and as a result, its been hard to get through writing about it; and even harder to re-read it without rolling my eyes in disgust.
So, I got into the habit of writing, and then deleting half ass half-finished dribble. The post where I whined about how I missed the Boston marathon on a day where the fastest race times happened under the best of conditions, made me want to reach through the computer screen and punch myself. The few of you who read this blog can thank me for deleting that.
To sum things up, over the past month, I’ve been struggling with whether or not to run, how much I can get away with running and weighing it against whether it will negatively impact my hamstring tendonitis. All the while, I’ve gained weight and have seen my fitness fly out the window.
About a month ago, I went to see an orthopedic doctor who was snivelling little nerd. This wasn’t the likeable kind of nerd you might be familiar with. Rather, he was a bitchy little arrogant bastard with a strong resemblance to Dustin Diamond… except nerdier, if that’s even possible. And he wore nerd glasses. …fuckin nerd.
Oh, I see, and um, what medical journal did you read that in?
Why the venom? Well, I have very little tolerance for the type of attitude he displayed, considering he is someone in healthcare and is getting paid a lot of money to help me with a situation I’m desperately trying to get fixed. Long story short, when he suggested NSAIDs, I mentioned reading about how they were found to inhibit tendon to bone injuries and asked him what his thoughts were. Considering I’m there to get help with my tendinitis, I think the question was more than applicable.
His response was to smirk and say “oh, and was this a medical journal you read this from?” Obviously, he took my question as a challenge. When he finally did address my question, he dismissed it as something that only occurred over long term treatment. To mention the article stated this was after a 2 week course would surely not have produced a constructive conversation, so I withheld further questioning.
Asking him for “permission” to ask another question resulted in him rolling his eyes and responded with a “Yes, of course you can” with an underlying sigh of exacerbation and disgust. Well, fuck, you, you little nerd. I walked out of there with a prescription for flector patches and physical therapy sessions which were to be conducted across the hall in the same building, and a follow up appointment with the promise of a cortisone shot if things did not improve.
The physical therapy only lasted one session. The therapist seemed like a real nice guy. He did an evaluation. Asked me to do some stretching exercises during my session. At this point I’ve been stretching every night and made a lot of improvement, so none of these were a problem. By the end, he said I really didn’t need to come back. In a way I was happy thinking it meant I was improving, but as I was leaving, I said to myself, “well, shit, now what do I do?”. I was hoping for something a bit more proactive to improve my situation.
So for the past month I’ve been running here and there. Sometimes, I was rather unintelligent about it. Running 7 minute miles around central park wanting to believe things were better was probably one of those stupid things. Running 12 miles another day, thinking if I kept it slow it would be ok was another mistake. For the most part, when I stayed disciplined and stayed slow with the mileage low, running didnt seem to make it worse, or at least not much worse. But as time went on, as grateful as I was to be just running easy after not being able to run at all, the satisfaction gradually wore off and was no longer enough. I really miss the phyiscal feeling after running a hard effort and the sense of accomplishment and pride when I can honestly tell myself I did a good job.
Last week, after reading posts from others who have had this injury and the length of time it took to heal, I realized I need to stop and get this healed as soon as possible before it turns into a life long thing. I took a full week off. A full 7 days. Nothing. No running at all. I canceled my follow up appointment with the nerd and made an appointment with another doctor, coincidentally on the same day. As I mentioned, the nerd was ready to give me a cortisone shot on the follow up visit if I wanted it; the only reason I kept the appointment in the first place.
I’m learning what a mistake that would have been. The new doctor referred me to another physical therapist and specifically wrote massage therapy and electric stimming. I’m excited about this. He also spoke about platlet rich plasma injections as a possibility and said no way to cortisone shots.
Now for the real good news. I ran 4 miles yesterday on one of my favorite flat paved paths. I focused on not allowing my leg to feel that pulling sensation. I did this actually in preparation for my appointment with the doctor today. I figured if I’m going to test things out I should do it before my conversation with him. It felt a lot better than I would have thought when done. The typical tightness afterwards wasnt really there an hour later, nor was it the next day.
When I spoke to him, he mentioned I could run if it didn’t hurt, which is the most confusing advice. This thing never really hurts during running. It hurts afterwards and the next day. I tried discussing it with him and I sort of came to the conclusion I’m going to have to figure this out myself as to when it’s best to run. I tried again today and did 6 miles. I let the pulling feeling happen a bit more this time, again to test it out. The pulling sensation, or the stretching sensation still had some discomfort, but there was a familiar feeling to it and I honestly thing it may be improving. It wasn’t the sickly injured feeling, but more like a sore muscle that needed stretching, rather than one that’s being damaged when stretched. Best way I can describe it even if it doesn’t make sense. I recognized this and it brought back memories from when I had achilles tendonitis and things started turning around, so I’m very hopeful right now. It’ll be quite a while before I’m running tempo pace and intervals, but shit… I can’t wait until I can do that again.
With that said, right now I run with a slow and heavy feeling and with a lot of effort. But today, I really enjoyed it. I almost felt fast, even if my “fast” is now over 30 seconds per mile slower than my marathon pace for just a 6 mile run. But, it doesn’t bother me.
I’m confident it will come back. And I’ll be happy just to be able to put the work in. Man, do I miss it.
